I found out something odd last week- vitamins kill elderly women. And I saw something weird on the back of a Flintstones vitamin box- fatal overdoses of Flintstone vitamins are the leading cause of overdose in children under age 6. So what else do they overdose on? And why would children enthusiastically gobble up a container of vitamins? Do small children throw parties and take vitamins? If so, I imagine it would go something like this: "Hey Bill give me the cherry one. Oh damn that's good. Give me more!"
"Hey Bobby! Let's go back to your room and snort some grape vitamins." "Oh sorry Cindy I just got out of rehab. I'm sober now so I can't have any more vitamins." "Fine, whatever. I'll do it myself."
"Whoo! I'm so high right now. That grape Flintstone was so good." "Hey, are you alright?"
"Ha, ha, ha, ha. You are so funny!" "Okay then. Bye..." "(Crying:) Ah ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Why did she leave? Why did she go to Walmart?" "What?" "My mom..she left me to get...to get... peanut butter crackers!"
"Alright then..." "Police!" "Ah!" "We have you surrounded. Open the door." "Oh crap. Hide the vitamins everyone! Hide 'em!" "Okay you have to the count of 3." "Crap!" "One." "Mike, hide the grape one! Put it up!" "Two." "Hello, officer." "We heard you have vitamins. Is this true?"
"I don't know...Do you have Bengay?" "Yes, I have Bengay. Do you have the vitamins?"
"No. Of course not, we're not that type of kids." "You telling the truth?" "Of course sir."
"This is your only warning. Next time we're arresting you." (Police leaves)
"Everyone go home! My mom comes back in a half hour."
So now you know-don't take vitamins. Don't give in to the peer pressure. Just don't do it- Fred Flintstone is evil and he's out to kill us all (under the age of 6).
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Halloween
What would Halloween be without candy? Would we still dress up? Would we cancel Halloween?
And since Halloween is all about candy, why isn't there a holiday revolving around ice cream or
Little Debbie snacks? I don't know about you but I think Star Crunches and Cosmic Brownies are just as good as candy if not better. And isn't Halloween a nightmare for people with braces? They can't have most of the sweets that we receive on Halloween and the same for diabetics. For them, Halloween must be a reminder of their limitations rather than a cause for celebration. And back to my original question: What would Halloween be without candy? Would dressing up alone be good enough reason to have Halloween?
I speculate it would be meaningless without candy- we would all be a bunch of weirdos. And if we substituted candy, it just wouldn't be the same. The traditional/ normal Halloween gives us childhood nostalgia. And besides, it would feel weird collecting Fudge Rounds and Marshmallow Treats on Halloween night. Halloween can be done only one way- going door to door in a ridiculous costume collecting candy.
So without candy, Halloween wouldn't be Halloween- it would be a new holiday or a cheap substitute.
So devour candy, eat the delicious steps to diabetes- it is your duty as an American.
And since Halloween is all about candy, why isn't there a holiday revolving around ice cream or
Little Debbie snacks? I don't know about you but I think Star Crunches and Cosmic Brownies are just as good as candy if not better. And isn't Halloween a nightmare for people with braces? They can't have most of the sweets that we receive on Halloween and the same for diabetics. For them, Halloween must be a reminder of their limitations rather than a cause for celebration. And back to my original question: What would Halloween be without candy? Would dressing up alone be good enough reason to have Halloween?
I speculate it would be meaningless without candy- we would all be a bunch of weirdos. And if we substituted candy, it just wouldn't be the same. The traditional/ normal Halloween gives us childhood nostalgia. And besides, it would feel weird collecting Fudge Rounds and Marshmallow Treats on Halloween night. Halloween can be done only one way- going door to door in a ridiculous costume collecting candy.
So without candy, Halloween wouldn't be Halloween- it would be a new holiday or a cheap substitute.
So devour candy, eat the delicious steps to diabetes- it is your duty as an American.
Friday, October 21, 2011
Cold
There is coldness all around us. There's been cold weather outside recently but that isn't the only reason for us to shiver. There are cold people with hearts dark as Satan.They get close, get your trust, then infect you.
They make you feel so disgusting you want to rip your heart out.
They leave and your bitterness and sorrows inside scream for revenge. But you let the anger die and let karma kill them. They come back around faking their innocence but there is no innocent poison, no innocent cyanide, no innocent insanity. And the same trick won't work forever, they will pay in the end. Karma won't be fooled as easily as they sin.
Wouldn't you love to watch karma murder those cold people, to watch karma gun them down and see the cruel bleeding in the streets begging for mercy? Some might say that would mean you're just as evil, that vengeance consumed your heart. I say it means you like justice. The Satanic souls shall be fried, the pure shall rise and live fulfilled lives. The cold shall be caught in their own blizzard, the murderers shall die.
Coldness- it's in more than just the weather. It's a poisonous tone of life. But if you make it through the blizzard, there are great things waiting for you.
They make you feel so disgusting you want to rip your heart out.
They leave and your bitterness and sorrows inside scream for revenge. But you let the anger die and let karma kill them. They come back around faking their innocence but there is no innocent poison, no innocent cyanide, no innocent insanity. And the same trick won't work forever, they will pay in the end. Karma won't be fooled as easily as they sin.
Wouldn't you love to watch karma murder those cold people, to watch karma gun them down and see the cruel bleeding in the streets begging for mercy? Some might say that would mean you're just as evil, that vengeance consumed your heart. I say it means you like justice. The Satanic souls shall be fried, the pure shall rise and live fulfilled lives. The cold shall be caught in their own blizzard, the murderers shall die.
Coldness- it's in more than just the weather. It's a poisonous tone of life. But if you make it through the blizzard, there are great things waiting for you.
The Offensive
The offensive- necessary or not? Do we really need serial shockers bombarding our ears with crap only to annoy us? But if we got rid of the offensive, would life be painfully dull? Is a happy medium, sad medium, or even a depressed medium necessary to give us a comfortable balance? I really don't know. I mean for God's sake there aren't any rules on how to be offensive. But on the other hand, if everything in life is making you uncomfortable with offensive remarks, isn't it a bit much? Sure, a bit of rebellious or artistic offensiveness
is good and crap but if there is offensive overload or an Offensive Doomsday where every thought or idea is provoking, when offensiveness hits you like an a-bomb and your sanity is burnt to a crisp, isn't it unnecessary? I don't know about you but if things got to the point to where all adults and teachers are as offensive as us teenagers I would be creeped out. I don't know if I could take it. But if there was no offensive material in the world, what would we talk about? What would entertain us? I don't think I would ever laugh again. But when the world is being offensive just to be offensive, it should just stop. So, I'm not dictating offensiveness or saying we should all be nuns. All I'm saying is if everything was offensive, offensiveness would no longer be great or offensive.
is good and crap but if there is offensive overload or an Offensive Doomsday where every thought or idea is provoking, when offensiveness hits you like an a-bomb and your sanity is burnt to a crisp, isn't it unnecessary? I don't know about you but if things got to the point to where all adults and teachers are as offensive as us teenagers I would be creeped out. I don't know if I could take it. But if there was no offensive material in the world, what would we talk about? What would entertain us? I don't think I would ever laugh again. But when the world is being offensive just to be offensive, it should just stop. So, I'm not dictating offensiveness or saying we should all be nuns. All I'm saying is if everything was offensive, offensiveness would no longer be great or offensive.
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Music
Did I mention I like music? Well, I do. Music is my world and if you want to hear some great music, click on these links below. If you don't like good music, listen to Radio Disney.
http://www.halestormrocks.com/
http://www.lacunacoil.it/
http://www.pantera.com/
http://www.hailthevillain.com/
http://www.bulletformyvalentine.com/
http://ihategreenjello.com/
http://www.halestormrocks.com/
http://www.lacunacoil.it/
http://www.pantera.com/
http://www.hailthevillain.com/
http://www.bulletformyvalentine.com/
http://ihategreenjello.com/
Worst Topic Ever
Really? I have to tell what I think about Homecoming? Do I really have to say it?
Pathetic, waste of time, waste of space, terrible- you know, everything people think I am.
Homecoming...where do I begin? How about the queen? All candidates are Barbies. I have never seen so many anorexics in one place. Homecoming is just another way to praise anorexics and show that the only way to be called beautiful is to starve yourself down to 90 pounds and wear a fake smile.
Ah, it makes me so uplifted I might shit rainbows. What is the purpose of Homecoming anyway?
Is it to be made fun of because it seems that way. Homecoming, go commit suicide tonight.
Nobody (important) likes you.
Pathetic, waste of time, waste of space, terrible- you know, everything people think I am.
Homecoming...where do I begin? How about the queen? All candidates are Barbies. I have never seen so many anorexics in one place. Homecoming is just another way to praise anorexics and show that the only way to be called beautiful is to starve yourself down to 90 pounds and wear a fake smile.
Ah, it makes me so uplifted I might shit rainbows. What is the purpose of Homecoming anyway?
Is it to be made fun of because it seems that way. Homecoming, go commit suicide tonight.
Nobody (important) likes you.
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Children
Frozen teachers in the classrooms falling to the floor
Now they can teach no more
All the lit kids, the little riot infernos burning down the halls leaving the building in ashes
Their happiness is an irresistable infection spreading on all nearby
School is out forever
Joy, oh joy
All the lovely moms are in comas their children stand by in shock
The doctor pulls the plug and the children cried, their bitter floods washed away their optimism
Dismay, oh dismay
All the strong dads have holes in their heads
They blew themselves away
Their children are alone and afraid
The helplessness they feel, the quicksand of depression they fall into headfirst
Hell, oh Hell
All the little children go into their houses looking for answers
Their seething sorrow, their burning pain
They look through item by item in a tearful state
The children all find a gun
They collectively pick up the guns and drop to the floor
Blood, oh blood
All the neighbors came to see what happened
And every body was a melancholy answer
Surprise hits them like a boulder and they told everyone the news
Surprise, surprise
Childhood isn't always cute
Now they can teach no more
All the lit kids, the little riot infernos burning down the halls leaving the building in ashes
Their happiness is an irresistable infection spreading on all nearby
School is out forever
Joy, oh joy
All the lovely moms are in comas their children stand by in shock
The doctor pulls the plug and the children cried, their bitter floods washed away their optimism
Dismay, oh dismay
All the strong dads have holes in their heads
They blew themselves away
Their children are alone and afraid
The helplessness they feel, the quicksand of depression they fall into headfirst
Hell, oh Hell
All the little children go into their houses looking for answers
Their seething sorrow, their burning pain
They look through item by item in a tearful state
The children all find a gun
They collectively pick up the guns and drop to the floor
Blood, oh blood
All the neighbors came to see what happened
And every body was a melancholy answer
Surprise hits them like a boulder and they told everyone the news
Surprise, surprise
Childhood isn't always cute
What if...?
What-ifs: are they downers or a great product of imagination? What if we had the chance to go back in time?
Would we change things or leave it all the same? What if we had the power to bring back someone from the dead? Would we take advantage of that opportunity? What if all our dreams came true? Would it be all we imagined? What if life was easier? What if gas was free? What if there was no president or laws? Would we be in a happy anarchy or in barbaric dark ages? What if everyone on Earth were rockers? Would there be any fans? Would rock truly exist? What if the world was perfect? Would we miss its flaws?
What if nuns were gangsters? Would they have a #1 hip-hop record? What if the world were a toilet?
Would we be taught in buildings of feces? What if we were inches tall and dogs terrorized us? What if the Walmart smiley face frowned? What if Satan was a chiuahua? What if Satan was hot sauce? How would he taste? Would he charcoal our tongues? What if death was reversed and we existed in death and then died and came into life? What if the Earth was a talking head? What if we were all cartoon characters living in an animated world? Would we each get a theme song? What if the Tellitubies were serial killers? What if the world was alive like a person? What if Elmo was depressed? What if the Cookie Monster went on a sugar-free diet? What if everything on this post happened at once?
Would we change things or leave it all the same? What if we had the power to bring back someone from the dead? Would we take advantage of that opportunity? What if all our dreams came true? Would it be all we imagined? What if life was easier? What if gas was free? What if there was no president or laws? Would we be in a happy anarchy or in barbaric dark ages? What if everyone on Earth were rockers? Would there be any fans? Would rock truly exist? What if the world was perfect? Would we miss its flaws?
What if nuns were gangsters? Would they have a #1 hip-hop record? What if the world were a toilet?
Would we be taught in buildings of feces? What if we were inches tall and dogs terrorized us? What if the Walmart smiley face frowned? What if Satan was a chiuahua? What if Satan was hot sauce? How would he taste? Would he charcoal our tongues? What if death was reversed and we existed in death and then died and came into life? What if the Earth was a talking head? What if we were all cartoon characters living in an animated world? Would we each get a theme song? What if the Tellitubies were serial killers? What if the world was alive like a person? What if Elmo was depressed? What if the Cookie Monster went on a sugar-free diet? What if everything on this post happened at once?
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
The night
It was a Wednesday night. I was at Juanita's waiting for Halestorm to perform. By the end of the night, I would never view life the same.
I walked into Juanita's where the music was loud and the people were drunk.
(In case you were wondering, no I am not about to say I was raped...Just so you know.)
One of the first bands I saw was terrible. They played the same riffs for every song and I think I knew why...The lead singer of the band was wearing a red t-shirt that said:
"Enjoy weed".
The next band was pretty good. And near the end of their performance, their female backup singer talked. She said these inspiring words:"I like to dance sometimes. I like to shake my ass sometimes. I like to smoke grass sometimes." So by then, I was thinking "Is this Weed Promotion Day?"
Then Halestorm arrived. Lzzy Hale sung in a dimly lit room then retreated back into the darkness. Seconds later, there was heavy riffage and headbanging. All I could think was that my love for Halestorm and music skyrocketed. I was transported to a magical place where nothing could harm me. I saw that I wanted to be that rockstar onstage. I wanted to be a musician. And by the time I got home, I couldn't sleep. I was too deep in excitement and awe. Me and my body didn't want the night or the aura of it to end. I felt like I was in a completely different world.
And ever since that Wednesday night, music has flowed through my veins and has been the nutrition of my soul. I will never be the same and I'm okay with that.
I walked into Juanita's where the music was loud and the people were drunk.
(In case you were wondering, no I am not about to say I was raped...Just so you know.)
One of the first bands I saw was terrible. They played the same riffs for every song and I think I knew why...The lead singer of the band was wearing a red t-shirt that said:
"Enjoy weed".
The next band was pretty good. And near the end of their performance, their female backup singer talked. She said these inspiring words:"I like to dance sometimes. I like to shake my ass sometimes. I like to smoke grass sometimes." So by then, I was thinking "Is this Weed Promotion Day?"
Then Halestorm arrived. Lzzy Hale sung in a dimly lit room then retreated back into the darkness. Seconds later, there was heavy riffage and headbanging. All I could think was that my love for Halestorm and music skyrocketed. I was transported to a magical place where nothing could harm me. I saw that I wanted to be that rockstar onstage. I wanted to be a musician. And by the time I got home, I couldn't sleep. I was too deep in excitement and awe. Me and my body didn't want the night or the aura of it to end. I felt like I was in a completely different world.
And ever since that Wednesday night, music has flowed through my veins and has been the nutrition of my soul. I will never be the same and I'm okay with that.
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